Note: I wrote this short piece back in March 2012 with the intention of writing many more segments. I just came across this again today still saved as a draft in my sorely neglected blog. I never published this one or wrote any more. My story was too painful to write out and contained more abuse in all forms than I was ready to face. I am not sure if I will ever write more but I decided to go ahead and publish this little bit...
My marriage is over. I sit in the mediation room with a pen held tight in my trembling hands and my eyes swollen from crying the entire night before.
I have loved this man sitting beside me unconditionally for 19 years and now I am expected to sign my name on a stupid piece of paper agreeing to end my marriage. How did this happen? How did we get here? I thought we were happy. I really did. This is crazy! My last ten weeks are little more than just a blur...
"SIGN THE PAPERS ALREADY... SIGN THEM RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME AND MY MONEY!"
My soon to be ex's angry booming voice screaming into my ear momentarily brings me back to reality.
"SIGN THEM! SIGN THEM NOW! I AM SO DONE WITH YOU! I DESERVE BETTER THAN YOU! YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF ME! MY BIGGEST REGRET IS NOT DIVORCING YOU SOONER! I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF BEING MARRIED TO YOU A MINUTE LONGER!"
Yes... I remember now. I remember why, as hard as it may be, I MUST sign. I am strong enough. I can do this. I NEED to do this. I need to be free.
Hands still shaking but at the same time oddly sure of myself... I sign my name.
MY life now begins, and it's going to be beautiful!